Brandon, you spoke at our No Need Among You conference a couple of years before your divorce. I remember watching you as you sat in the pew waiting to go up to take the stage. I could see your brokenness and I remember praying for you in that moment. Bless God for you.
God used you even then. Because of your story of the boots that you left in that upper room. I now run a ministry in one of the poorest neighborhoods in Houston. I serve in an eight block radius where there are 100 countries represented in 87 different languages spoken. I gave my car away and my house away and moved to a city of 7 million from a town with 15,000 people. Like you gave your boots away well I kinda sort of did too. Let God keep using you and please know you are always welcome to use our stage to share about trauma and the power of healing.
Not sure if I should say this, but here goes: as someone who doesn’t know anyone in this story personally, but who has been a reader and listener for years, I struggle with so many comments I’m seeing in the book launch and coverage that are purely condemnation (even now), and don’t seem to allow room for redemption and restoration for both you and your ex. I would be devastated if in one of my worst experiences with another person, they were the only one “allowed” to find wholeness and a way back. I appreciate that you are able to own your mistakes and the pain they caused, but even more so, that you’ve been able to move beyond to a beautiful new life with someone who helped save you. I pray both of you will be able to weather the storm of the retelling of one of the lowest points in your life, and then when the storm passes, be able to continue to move on in the joy of living fully that appears to be so true in all you share in your spaces. Thank you.
I have to admit I've read and followed JH for years. I'm well aware of them both. I haven't read her new book. But from what I've seen and heard, I don't feel like she's allowing only room for her own redemption and restoration. I feel like she's telling her story, her path forward. She can't speak for BH. When we are married we usually have some insight into our partners, I say usually because obviously at some point things went on in their marriage and in my one that show struggles we didn't know about or struggles we didn't know ow how to help with. But once you split, you don't have access to their day to day any more, to their process and hopefully healing. I didn't. I don't know the work my ex has or hasn't done. She can't speak for him. Only he can and I'm so glad he is here. There are so many painful parallels and his vulnerability has helped me.
In 2023 I lost my older brother to cancer. He was 61. I was born on his birthday when he was 3. For a year I couldn’t pull myself out of it. I was living in Corpus Christi with my dogs. My kids and family in the Austin area. At least one point I considered ending it all. It was scary because never in my
Life had I ever considered. My daughter, son and husband were diligent checking on me. One of my 3 dogs can feel emotions. Everyday he followed me around or sat by me. I finally called my doctor and got help. A year later I’m here and live my life and family. I truly understand 💙
It’s the inner work that is imperative. And so glad she was able to be present and there for you. But at the end of the day, even in the presence of community and support, ultimately you save yourself.
This feels like continual explanations for your presence and I’m so so very sorry you feel the need to explain yourself. You belong. You are wanted. You are human. I’m glad you have found a place of healing. And I hope you continue to grow and heal.
Thank you for sharing that. After my divorce my son was suicial and so deeply angry with everyone and so guarded at the same time. It was a rough couple of years as he struggled to reconcile what he thought he knew of his father and our life and what he was actually now living. My ex all but abandoned our children. He has said since that he was lost himself but he left them. I don't know how my son made it through. My daughter and I just refused to let go of him. The grace of God I suppose.
Brandon - I too was on the receiving end of a false narrative after my divorce. My ex made sure all our friends at the time (and whatever audience he had) heard only a side of the story spun to make me look irresponsible, crazy, or in some way “less than” and he was the victim. It worked. But only for a while. Back then there was no social media and my life was not as public as yours, however we had been in full time ministry. In a way, I envy your ability to publicly set the record straight. I let the rest of my life speak on my behalf. I remarried the love of my life and we had a wonderful 30 year marriage until he passed away in 2023. My ex, on the other hand, had two more failed marriages and a couple of failed relationships that didn’t include marriage. I also want you to know how much I understand the statement about Tina saving your life. I had the same experience. Anyway, I’m so glad you’ve started this substack. I’m happy to subscribe.
It's the honest to god truth exactly what she said. And at the moment, exactly what I needed to hear - that the world is bigger than any one of us. And that eventually everything would be ok. It's not a stab at Jen. It's not rude. It offered some very real perspective.
I understand why someone would think it was rude. But until you’ve been in that place you’ll never understand the healing balm those words would be. In full disclosure I’m on the Awake launch team - what drew me in was that our story so closely mirrored yours. I found a letter, not overhear a phone call but I had the same gut wrenching moment. Unlike your story, he was the well known beloved one. I listened to people talking about my very private life in the next aisle at the grocery store. I would meet new people and instead of “nice to meet you” I got a shocked “oh, you are——“. My children (who WERE babies - not even kindergarten yet— were told “my mommy said your daddy ran away with another lady”. (At church of course). I know and understand what a relief it was to find a person who would say “ it’s nice to meet you Michelle! What do you do…..etc. I’m so happy you are moving toward the healthiest version of you that you can be this side of heaven. There are absolutely no winners in divorce but everyone can do something about the brokenness that led to it. And like it or not I have to fairly and humbly admit, I played a part in the tragedy that was our marriage and the breaking of it. God bless you, Brandon. Sorry this was so long. I thought I never would shut up.
You are absolutely right, there are no winners when something you went into with love and hope falls apart. I openly admit and own that I failed my ex in ways I will probably never know and understand, he flat out refused to discuss anything that led to the end, I know I hurt him. It got to the point where he did what he did because of both of us.
Actually I thought about your response and I talked to Tina about it. I just gotta stay true and be authentic. So no apologies here. It was a time in which it felt like my whole world revolved around my failure and my ex-wife. I think it would be encouraging to anyone who sees this to know that this too shall pass, and there is hope and that that the world is bigger than any one person and any one failure.
I really understand the “…and who is?” comment, and it made me think. I’m glad you included it.
On some podcast in the last couple of years, before either of you were telling the whole story, I heard Jen say something to the effect of “some people are just shinier than others.”
As I remember it (which may not be perfectly) she was talking about her relationship, about having a big personality and feeling like she had to shrink up to fit in her marriage. In some ways I really resonated with how she felt then, and I still do. But now I’m thinking about it from the other side, what it must be like to be with someone who is famous, or at least known, and who has a constantly a bigger than life personality.
At the time of that podcast I heard, my husband and I were going through some similar things. He made some similar poor choices that can’t be excused. He is accountable for those. But I also had some bad patterns that contributed to where we were in our marriage. I’m grateful that we did find a path to reconnection, though it has not been easy and required SO much therapy and support. He has done the work, he is so deserving of redemption and I love him. And i try to keep reflecting on my part in our story.
So I guess I’m wondering. What is it like to do life with someone who is a bigger than life like that? The public eye part, but also the “just shinier” big personality part? Do you think that was actually true, or was there just no room for you to be seen in that relationship? How does someone with a platform or a big personality right-size that…not shrinking themselves but also leaving room for everyone in the marriage or the family to shine their own light?
I’m not sure if you would ever write about that. I would understand if you didn’t want to. But it would be an interesting perspective to hear.
Brandon, you spoke at our No Need Among You conference a couple of years before your divorce. I remember watching you as you sat in the pew waiting to go up to take the stage. I could see your brokenness and I remember praying for you in that moment. Bless God for you.
That conference had to be prior to mid 2016. A lot was going on there, but the worst was just around the corner. Thanks for your prayers.
God used you even then. Because of your story of the boots that you left in that upper room. I now run a ministry in one of the poorest neighborhoods in Houston. I serve in an eight block radius where there are 100 countries represented in 87 different languages spoken. I gave my car away and my house away and moved to a city of 7 million from a town with 15,000 people. Like you gave your boots away well I kinda sort of did too. Let God keep using you and please know you are always welcome to use our stage to share about trauma and the power of healing.
Not sure if I should say this, but here goes: as someone who doesn’t know anyone in this story personally, but who has been a reader and listener for years, I struggle with so many comments I’m seeing in the book launch and coverage that are purely condemnation (even now), and don’t seem to allow room for redemption and restoration for both you and your ex. I would be devastated if in one of my worst experiences with another person, they were the only one “allowed” to find wholeness and a way back. I appreciate that you are able to own your mistakes and the pain they caused, but even more so, that you’ve been able to move beyond to a beautiful new life with someone who helped save you. I pray both of you will be able to weather the storm of the retelling of one of the lowest points in your life, and then when the storm passes, be able to continue to move on in the joy of living fully that appears to be so true in all you share in your spaces. Thank you.
I have to admit I've read and followed JH for years. I'm well aware of them both. I haven't read her new book. But from what I've seen and heard, I don't feel like she's allowing only room for her own redemption and restoration. I feel like she's telling her story, her path forward. She can't speak for BH. When we are married we usually have some insight into our partners, I say usually because obviously at some point things went on in their marriage and in my one that show struggles we didn't know about or struggles we didn't know ow how to help with. But once you split, you don't have access to their day to day any more, to their process and hopefully healing. I didn't. I don't know the work my ex has or hasn't done. She can't speak for him. Only he can and I'm so glad he is here. There are so many painful parallels and his vulnerability has helped me.
In 2023 I lost my older brother to cancer. He was 61. I was born on his birthday when he was 3. For a year I couldn’t pull myself out of it. I was living in Corpus Christi with my dogs. My kids and family in the Austin area. At least one point I considered ending it all. It was scary because never in my
Life had I ever considered. My daughter, son and husband were diligent checking on me. One of my 3 dogs can feel emotions. Everyday he followed me around or sat by me. I finally called my doctor and got help. A year later I’m here and live my life and family. I truly understand 💙
It's a terrifying moment to think everyone would literally be better off if you were gone. And it's completely untrue. I'm glad you're still with us.
As I’m glad you are here also and that you found Tina…..your angel
It’s the inner work that is imperative. And so glad she was able to be present and there for you. But at the end of the day, even in the presence of community and support, ultimately you save yourself.
Actually my point. You said that better than I could.
This feels like continual explanations for your presence and I’m so so very sorry you feel the need to explain yourself. You belong. You are wanted. You are human. I’m glad you have found a place of healing. And I hope you continue to grow and heal.
Rooting for you! I saw you at an event in Wine Country in 2018 and knew. Wishing you peace, love and happiness in whatever way that looks for you.
Thank you for sharing that. After my divorce my son was suicial and so deeply angry with everyone and so guarded at the same time. It was a rough couple of years as he struggled to reconcile what he thought he knew of his father and our life and what he was actually now living. My ex all but abandoned our children. He has said since that he was lost himself but he left them. I don't know how my son made it through. My daughter and I just refused to let go of him. The grace of God I suppose.
Thank you for sharing your story. Wishing you all the best.
Brandon - I too was on the receiving end of a false narrative after my divorce. My ex made sure all our friends at the time (and whatever audience he had) heard only a side of the story spun to make me look irresponsible, crazy, or in some way “less than” and he was the victim. It worked. But only for a while. Back then there was no social media and my life was not as public as yours, however we had been in full time ministry. In a way, I envy your ability to publicly set the record straight. I let the rest of my life speak on my behalf. I remarried the love of my life and we had a wonderful 30 year marriage until he passed away in 2023. My ex, on the other hand, had two more failed marriages and a couple of failed relationships that didn’t include marriage. I also want you to know how much I understand the statement about Tina saving your life. I had the same experience. Anyway, I’m so glad you’ve started this substack. I’m happy to subscribe.
Thankful for you a wonderful second chance life for you. So sorry for your loss in 2023. And thanks for joining us.
It's the honest to god truth exactly what she said. And at the moment, exactly what I needed to hear - that the world is bigger than any one of us. And that eventually everything would be ok. It's not a stab at Jen. It's not rude. It offered some very real perspective.
I guess the author of the comment decided to delete it ;)
I understand why someone would think it was rude. But until you’ve been in that place you’ll never understand the healing balm those words would be. In full disclosure I’m on the Awake launch team - what drew me in was that our story so closely mirrored yours. I found a letter, not overhear a phone call but I had the same gut wrenching moment. Unlike your story, he was the well known beloved one. I listened to people talking about my very private life in the next aisle at the grocery store. I would meet new people and instead of “nice to meet you” I got a shocked “oh, you are——“. My children (who WERE babies - not even kindergarten yet— were told “my mommy said your daddy ran away with another lady”. (At church of course). I know and understand what a relief it was to find a person who would say “ it’s nice to meet you Michelle! What do you do…..etc. I’m so happy you are moving toward the healthiest version of you that you can be this side of heaven. There are absolutely no winners in divorce but everyone can do something about the brokenness that led to it. And like it or not I have to fairly and humbly admit, I played a part in the tragedy that was our marriage and the breaking of it. God bless you, Brandon. Sorry this was so long. I thought I never would shut up.
You are absolutely right, there are no winners when something you went into with love and hope falls apart. I openly admit and own that I failed my ex in ways I will probably never know and understand, he flat out refused to discuss anything that led to the end, I know I hurt him. It got to the point where he did what he did because of both of us.
Actually I thought about your response and I talked to Tina about it. I just gotta stay true and be authentic. So no apologies here. It was a time in which it felt like my whole world revolved around my failure and my ex-wife. I think it would be encouraging to anyone who sees this to know that this too shall pass, and there is hope and that that the world is bigger than any one person and any one failure.
Just letting ya'll know that I didn't delete the comment. The writer of the comment did. I guess they just wanted to make a point and go ;)
I really understand the “…and who is?” comment, and it made me think. I’m glad you included it.
On some podcast in the last couple of years, before either of you were telling the whole story, I heard Jen say something to the effect of “some people are just shinier than others.”
As I remember it (which may not be perfectly) she was talking about her relationship, about having a big personality and feeling like she had to shrink up to fit in her marriage. In some ways I really resonated with how she felt then, and I still do. But now I’m thinking about it from the other side, what it must be like to be with someone who is famous, or at least known, and who has a constantly a bigger than life personality.
At the time of that podcast I heard, my husband and I were going through some similar things. He made some similar poor choices that can’t be excused. He is accountable for those. But I also had some bad patterns that contributed to where we were in our marriage. I’m grateful that we did find a path to reconnection, though it has not been easy and required SO much therapy and support. He has done the work, he is so deserving of redemption and I love him. And i try to keep reflecting on my part in our story.
So I guess I’m wondering. What is it like to do life with someone who is a bigger than life like that? The public eye part, but also the “just shinier” big personality part? Do you think that was actually true, or was there just no room for you to be seen in that relationship? How does someone with a platform or a big personality right-size that…not shrinking themselves but also leaving room for everyone in the marriage or the family to shine their own light?
I’m not sure if you would ever write about that. I would understand if you didn’t want to. But it would be an interesting perspective to hear.